Three Flights Down
by Sweet Apocalypse
Summary: Mary Anne and Logan's relationship is not as perfect as they would like to pretend.
1. Part One

_-------_

_Part I_

_-------_

Mary Anne Spier sometimes feels she is the only person who notices how wrong the world is.

She buttons her favorite pair of jeans, and slips on a pink cashmere sweater. She brushes her dark hair (which she is considering cutting again), and puts on her charm necklace. Her make-up is already on. She places her feet in stylish ankle boots and critically examines her reflection.

Mary Anne is going on a date with her boyfriend.

She thinks pink is the wrong colour for her. It accentuates the blush. Mary Anne is starting to appreciate the pale look.

The phone rings. The house is empty. Her father is at work. Her stepmother is grocery shopping. Her stepsister lives on the other side of the country. Her cat cannot answer the phone.

The voice on the line is assertive, when she picks up. "It's me. I'm baby-sitting the kids. Well actually Karen and David Michael think they're too old, but anyway, do you want to come over? We can -"

"No." Mary Anne answers. She recognizes the tone of her voice, and the repercussions . She tactfully softens her tone. "I have a date, Kristy."

"Oh." The voice is reflective, "I should have guessed."

Mary Anne doesn't say anything. She doesn't appreciate people who hold onto the past. She doesn't respect people who haven't had a serious relationship longer than four months. She doesn't associate with people who harbor connotations of happier memories.

She still has space to feel sorry, though.

"I'll see you at school, then." Her voice is automatic. Kristy Thomas and Mary Anne Spier share no classes at school. They do not catch the same bus. They do not sit at the same table for lunch. They do not meet each other at the lockers after lessons.

"Okay." There is a brief pause. "Bye."

Mary Anne hangs up. She checks the antique clock on the wall. She hurriedly grabs her coat and purse. She does not want to be late.

_-------_

Her boyfriend is cute.

He is gorgeous.

He is funny.

He is smart.

He is perfect.

Most of the time.

Logan Bruno and Mary Anne Spier have history. They dated for ten months in eighth grade, before breaking up. Mary Anne is glad, as they got to know one another as friends. That led to the fall of the sophomore year, when the two began a deeper relationship. Logan and Mary Anne have now been going out for fourteen months now. That is two years in total. They are very proud.

Logan is not today. He folds his arms and frowns.

"You're late."

Mary Anne frowns back at him, "Kristy called at the last moment. I'm sorry, Logan. It won't happen again."

She does not know the exact words she utters. Her memory likens to the weather this afternoon – a gray hazy day. She is dressed in the wrong clothes. She feels cold.

He clucks his tongue but kisses her on the lips. Lightly, but sweetly. Mary Anne does not enjoy public displays of affection. Logan must understand that.

He reaches for her hand and pulls her toward the aroma of salty popcorn and the squeals of excited children. His grip hurts. He pulls her too quickly. Mary Anne's boots have small heels and she stumbles, just as Logan tugs harder.

She nearly falls over, but he grabs her, and holds her tight, as if it were an accident. It is an accident, of course.

"You're so clumsy lately," he says affectionately. "You should be more careful."

Mary Anne knows much better than he does, that she should.

_-------_

Sharon Spier wants to be the perfect wife and mother. Mary Anne does not mind. Her natural mother died many years ago. She cannot remember living a womb for nine months, nor the countless feeds, cuddles and kisses. A teenage girl does not need these memories. These days, it is nice enough to have someone mature to go the mall with and discuss boys and fashion. .

It is warm in the kitchen. Her stepmother closes the oven and puts aside a gaudy pattered mitt. Mary Anne is beginning to dislike the spectrum.

"How was the movie?" The oven timer is set. Full attention is now set on her stepdaughter.

"Fun." Mary Anne wonders what has happened to her vocabulary, "Great."

Sharon seems slightly worried but does not say anything. She never does.

"You look very nice. I knew the sweater was a good buy."

"Thanks." Mary Anne wants to tell her how she is considering a new hairstyle but the words do not flow. Her bruised lips are glued shut.

"I have homework." She says instead. "Two essays. Call me if you need any help with dinner."

"Okay," Sharon pauses. "Mary Anne?"

"Yes?"

"You- you know I'm here if you need to talk, right honey?"

"Of course."

On her way out Mary Anne remembers to rescue the remote control from the sink.

_-------_

She wants to redecorate her room. Some days she wants to paint the walls black, throw away her stuffed toys and put a lock on her door. Other days it is just a case of wanting to move some posters and re-arranging the furniture. Either way it is too much effort.

Mary Anne has no homework that she is planning to do. She simply enjoys being by herself and her thoughts. Today the main feeling is guilt. She will focus on that.

Mary Anne is a very emotional person.

She puts on music. She never plays it loud enough to draw attention. She methodically peels off her sweater, and drapes it over a chair. It slips and lands upon a worn copy of _Little Women._

She doesn't care because at the right angle, her mirror shows her back.

The bruises below her collarbone will fade soon. They have already existed for eight days. The proof always disappears. The pain is not hard to bear. She does not feel sad or angry. Mary Anne does not feel much these days. She understands her boyfriend. It is not his fault. She repeats this in her mind. He does not hit her every day. Nor every month. He loves her. She loves him. She could never imagine losing him. They are meant to be. Their friends and family also agree.

But, yet, Mary Anne still wants to cry. She scrunches her eyes and thinks of her mother, and all the wars and homicides on the news. She desperately needs a release. She knows lately how she has bottled up everything. She would scream, but someone would hear.

Today Mary Anne cannot cry. Her tears have run out. Her sockets are dry. She is empty.

There is nothing constant in her life. She knows far too well how she cannot rely on anything but herself anymore. Not even the boy she loves.

_-------_


	2. Part Two

_-------_

_Part II_

_-------_

There are many reasons why Mary Anne cannot break up with her boyfriend.

This is evident as they walk down the dull corridors of their school, hand in hand. This is can be seen by the numerous teachers and students who recognize them only as an entity. This is apparent as they whisper, heads close, in homeroom. This is obvious as they give their customary good-bye hug outside her period one class.

Later tonight, Sharon will give the phone to Mary Anne with a knowing smile. Later in the week, her father will open the door and not give a lecture. Later in the month their friends will make sure they get seats next to another in the theater. Later in the year it will their sixteenth month anniversary.

Logan Bruno and Mary Anne have the perfect relationship. Everyone is glad for them. They do not have to hide their feelings. He places red roses in her locker; she attends every one of his games. They are seen together at every dance and party. They are best friends. They are in love. They can never break up.

Mary Anne knows she should be the happiest girl in Connecticut.

Instead she feels suffocated.

_-------_

Mary Anne has been procrastinating. It is her favorite pastime. Her English paper on romanticism is due in two days and she has not started.

Stacey McGill spent the whole weekend partying and shopping for the latest fashions in New York City. She has not done her paper either.

Stacey envies Mary Anne's commitment. Mary Anne envies Stacey's freedom. Neither would ever admit this.

They meet in the library during a rainy lunchtime. Mary Anne has an extra scarf on. She is feeling blank. Her boyfriend is at training.

"You're looking pale," Stacey announces. She sits herself opposite Mary Anne. Her dark blue eyes peer. "When was the last time you slept?"

Mary Anne does not answer. Stacey is never one to make the moment awkward. These past few years with a new crowd have rendered her vapid and self-absorbed.

In any case, Stacey does not notice nor care about her lack of response.

"Claudia, don't you think Mary Anne looks pale?" she gestures flamboyantly. Half a dozen expensive silver bracelets rattle over a bony wrist.

Claudia Kishi is Stacey's best friend. She is also there, sketching on the desk absentmindedly. Claudia cannot make an excuse to not keep Stacey company. She gives Mary Anne a sympathetic look.

Mary Anne hates pity.

"Actually no," Stacey pauses, "You look haggard. Are you stressed? I know I am. I have so much homework, it isn't funny. But holidays start soon. Mom said I could have a pre Christmas party. Not too many people, but you know. You have to come. You haven't been to any of my parties. But maybe don't tell Kristy because-"

"Stacey!" Claudia's reaction is mandatory. It is too fake. She might as well be announcing the library is on fire.

"Oh okay. I'll stop being such a bitch," Stacey rolls her eyes. For some reason Mary Anne cannot hate her.

She tries to offer a smile. It turns out as a grimace. Mary Anne hides this by disappearing behind a book about William Blake.

"Oh this blows," Stacey closes her pink file. There is a collage of photographs of her and her friends pasted on the cover. Mary Anne is surprised to see one of her. "I'll do it tonight."

"Don't you have date?" Claudia asks.

"With Evan, no," Stacey sounds distant. She is trying to avoid the question. Mary Anne can always tell. Stacey directs her attention to her. "Well it was nice speaking to you. Tell Logan I said hello."

She and Claudia gather up their things. Claudia has to momentarily disappear behind a stack of shelves, as the deputy principal walks in. She is trying to avoid a uniform pass.

Mary Anne wonders whether Stacey is sympathetic or just plain stupid.

_-------_

Mary Anne knows she is tired, pale and haggard. She can feel in her bones. She can see it everyday in front of the mirror.

She secretly celebrates the fact that she is finally looking the way she feels inside. She likes how someone has noticed. She thinks it is a sign.

Mary Anne knows the cause of her problems. These past few months the worries have been compiling. The burden is slowly decaying her. She feels as if she is balancing on the edge of a steep cliff, peering down uncertainly at a black ocean. She has also been planning this day for weeks, balancing the reasons and repercussions. She has been trying to build the courage.

Mary Anne has not been doing a satisfactory job of this.

It is after school. Mr and Mrs. Bruno are not at home. Mary Anne wishes this were a baby-sitting job but Kerry and Hunter are nowhere in sight. She is not thirteen anymore.

Mary Anne is fidgety. She does not want to do homework, eat, watch a movie or make out. She does not know how to approach this. She has only done this once before.

Finally her boyfriend asks, with a touch of impatience, "What's wrong?"

Mary Anne is very nervous. This is her cue. "Logan, I think-"

"Yes?" Logan's eyes are big and worried. He can tell something is wrong. He moves to the edge of the sofa, and places a hand over her shaky one. Their promise rings fit against one another. She feels bad. She feels guilty. She is worthless. She cannot do this…

"I don't think this is working out."

The words slip out. It is the worst time for her lips to become unstuck. She hadn't meant to say them, no, she hadn't.

Logan stares.

Mary Anne knows she has made a huge mistake

_-------_


	3. Part Three

_-------_

_Part III_

_-------_

Logan does not take it well.

"What the hell do you mean?" he says quietly. His voice is low. He reminds Mary Anne of a lion stalking its prey.

She cannot explain. There are butterflies in her stomach. She wants to throw up. She desperately wishes someone would come through the front door.

"Just leave me alone, Logan." Her voice is shaking. She wants to get out of there.

He grabs her arm, and drags her towards him. "What the fuck? You can't just end a two-year relationship like that. What, is it another guy?"

"No!" Mary Anne cries. He stands up, pushing her up too. He is too strong for her. A Christmas photo of the Bruno's on the mantelpiece catches her eye. Logan's arm is around Kerry. He is beaming. Could this be the same guy?

"It's so typical of you to think of yourself," he went on, forcing her head to look at him. She trembles. His arms press into her skin, squeezing her. "I mean, if something goes wrong, you just quit. What about us? I fucking love you, and you just want to end it _and you can't even explain_? Is it my temper? Just because you're such a pacifist, I mean, you don't see me dumping you just because you cry all the damn time!" He shakes her, and then lets go violently, flinging her away.

She falls to the ground hard. Her right arm hits the carpet first, absorbing the impact. She is shocked. After a few seconds, she sits up, disorientated. Using the couch as a grip, Mary Anne grudgingly stands up. Her feet are not steady and she stumbles. She clutches her arm, and gapes at him.

He had promised it would be the last time.

Logan is looking at her in horror. His words stung more than his actions. That is the worst part. He is always sorry after the rage wears off. He is like a drug.

"Mary Anne! Wait!"

He knows what she is about to do. But Mary Anne ignores him. She tears out of the house, slamming the door. The wind feels like ice on her skin. She forgot her coat. She nearly runs in front of a car in her hurry. Mary Anne runs two streets until her breath runs out. She is grateful Logan does not follow her.

She sits on the kerb, and rests her head on her knees. Her arm is red and her world is black.

It wasn't meant to be like this.

_-------_

When Mary Anne wakes he next morning, it is late. Sunlight filters through the closed curtain. Her quilt is half off the bed. She forgot to set her alarm last night.

She blearily stumbles to the kitchen. Sharon is about to leave for work. There are remnants of breakfast in the sink.

"I didn't want to wake you," Sharon explains, "You were sleeping so peacefully."

Mary Anne offers a bleak smile. She is sore and hot. Her hair is a mess. Her life is a disaster.

"I think you should stay home today," Sharon retrieves her purse from the vegetable holder. She checks her lipstick in a compact mirror, "And get some rest. You're looking a little flushed."

Mary Anne nods. She is very tired.

"Oh." Sharon hesitates. She places down her briefcase. "Logan called."

Mary Anne freezes. She cautiously sits down.

"He said he was very sorry. Really sorry."

Sharon waits expectantly but Mary Anne does not say a word. She plays with the frayed tablecloth instead

"And that he would speak to you later," Sharon went on, "And… oh, Mary Anne, I invited him to your father's birthday dinner. I thought you already had. But, it was just a small disagreement, right? You and Logan always make up. Was it okay for me to ask him?"

She sounds anxious. Sharon wants to be the perfect mother. She wants to know she is doing a good job. She is trying her best.

"Mary Anne?"

"Yes," Mary Anne says finally.. She stands up. "I need to have a shower."

She walks out of the room languidly, Tigger trailing at her feet.

Sharon looks perturbed.

_-------_

The dinner is a success. There is a warm, friendly atmosphere that Mary Anne wishes she could feel. The guests are seated in a sectioned area, and the tables surrounding them are filled with people dining and talking.

The music is nice and soft. Something her father would love. Mary Anne gave him a nice sweater for his birthday. She had Stacey help her choose it two months ago. Mary Anne is always organized. Her parents have left her and Logan alone, while they visit old friends. Richard has removed the champagne bottle from the holder.

"I forgive you about the other night," Logan says softly, stroking her hair, "And I'm sorry too, babe. Forgive me? You know how I get. And you've been acting so strange recently, I didn't know how to react."

Mary Anne does not say anything. She picks at her salad. She hates tomatoes.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it here, but we haven't really been alone this week, if you get what I mean," Logan continues, "The thing is Mary Anne, I love you, and I – I just couldn't imagine us not being together. "

Mary Anne drops her fork. A splutter of dressing hits her dress. It is black. Sharon did not like that. It is low cut. Richard does not like that, even if it has long sleeves.

Mary Anne is sick of trying to please everyone.

"Are you okay?" Logan asks anxiously, catching the look in her eye.

"Yeah," Mary Anne smiles, "I need to go to the bathroom. I don't want to leave a stain."

In the bathroom, she splashes water on her face. Her face looks pasty. A colleague of her father walks in, tepid heels clicking. She glances sideways in the mirror and fluffs her hair.

"You look very nice, honey," she says.

Mary Anne is sick of false compliments. She does not dignify the woman with an answer. Instead, she locks herself in a cubicle. It is too small and has an unpleasant stench. Mary Anne does not care. She closes her eyes. Maybe if she woke up it would all be a dream.

She hates this reality.

She desperately wants to cry but cannot. She is not surprised. She has a wild urge to climb out the window and go for a walk. She feels like the walls are closing in on her, and she is so exhausted that she feels numb. Every time, it becomes harder to forgive him. Harder for her to be around him.

It becomes more difficult for her to love him.

"Is anyone in the bathroom?" A sugary voice floats through the stall door. It is accompanied with a high-pitched giggle. Someone has drunk too much. "From the Richard Spier party, I mean. We're going to cut the cake!"

Mary Anne sighs. She stands and hits her elbow. She swears, and is so frustrated with everything that she tears off the ring Logan gave her. She flushes it down the toilet. She watches it swirl away from her.

Mary Anne has never felt so down.

_-------_


	4. Part Four

_-------_

_Part IV_

_-------_

Mary Anne stumbles through the main entrance of Stoneybrook High School. She bumps into several bodies. Mary Anne has not slept in three nights, and is dressed in a gray jumper and jeans. She does not care how she looks. Her whole body aches. Her right arm hurts the worse.

"Mary Anne?" A voice says. She turns, frowning.

It is Pete Black. Logan does not appreciate her having close guy friends, but Mary Anne likes talking to Pete. He is funny and nice. He is all a guy should be.

"Yeah?" she says distantly. She is slightly suspicious, as she always is of people wanting to talk to her.

"Oh, I was just about to say you look nice," Pete shrugs.

Mary Anne laughs an odd laugh. It is not a happy laugh. "I haven't slept in three days, Pete, and I've got bags under my eyes. I'm wearing a faded jumper, and I didn't have the time to straighten my hair morning. But, thank you anyway."

"No, I meant it. Honestly." Pete sounds slightly hurt.

Mary Anne glances up. She is surprised. It seems he did mean it.

"Thanks, Pete," She tries to sound grateful. The only people that tell her she looks nice are her parents and Logan.

Pete grins, "See you around, Mary Anne."

"Bye," says Mary Anne faintly, watching him walk off. The crowd swallows him almost immediately.

_-------_

It is lunchtime, and Mary Anne stands lost in the cafeteria. She should have just gone to the library, like she had planned.

"Mary Anne!" Stacey waves. Her friends look slightly annoyed, but Claudia smiles too. She beckons Mary Anne over. Mary Anne does not mind. Logan is at home sick and their friends, are mostly his friends.

She'd most likely feel more comfortable here.

"Did Richard like the sweater?" Stacey takes a bite of her salad sandwich. She is a very elegant eater.

Mary Anne nods. She picks at her own meal. As usual, she reminds herself not to by the hot meal again. She cannot tell whether it is risotto or potato bake.

"That's great," Stacey beams. She is very happy. Claudia smiles too, and offers Mary Anne a dorito

"Haven't seen that jumper in ages," she comments casually. She is trying to be friendly.

Claudia and Stacey gradually include Mary Anne into the conversation until she feels comfortable to interject her thoughts. Their friends may be a little snobby but they have the decency to be friendly and the politeness to laugh at her jokes.

Mary Anne feels the faint strains of a smile.

This sensation disappears, however, when she checks her cell phone and discovers three missed calls from her boyfriend.

_-------_

Kristy Thomas is waiting at her locker after school. Mary Anne slows down her pace. It amazed her how some people change and how some stay almost the same.

Kristy is holding up a floral decorated bag. "Logan's not at school today, so I figured you would speak to me. I cleaned up my room and found this. I don't know how old it is. I mean, when was the last time you came over?" - Mary Anne winces - "Don't worry, I didn't open it." Kristy goes on, misinterpreting the look on her face.

"I'm sorry," Mary Anne blurts out, suddenly. "For the way I've treated you and everything. And…" Her words trail away. She hopes Kristy understands. She cannot explain how guilty she feels. She understands how it is too late to fix everything. She acknowledges that she cannot expect the world to go back to how it was.

She just wants Kristy to accept her apology.

Kristy nods. Her face is impassive. "Okay."

She turns to walk away, but stops. She readjusts her trucker cap nervously. It is a welcome transition from her infamous baseball cap. "Mary Anne?"

"Yes?"

"What happened?"

Mary Anne pauses. She withdraws her hand from her locker, and scans the hall. She looks at Kristy. She realizes, for the first time in years, just how similar they look. But it is not like Mary Anne to ask blunt questions. The differences outweigh the similarities.

"Everything," she says softly. She is not sure if Kristy has heard.

Mary Anne walks away, before anything more can be said. She leaves all her homework behind. But it doesn't matter. She has to visit Logan.

_-------_

The phone rings. Mary Anne is lying on her bed, looking at the ceiling. Mary Anne does not want to pick it up. But she does, anyway, because that it was she always does.

"Hello?" She grabs the extension.

"Mary Anne? I thought you said you were going to visit." Logan may be sick but his voice is strong. He sounds faintly angry.

"I did." Her voice is tight. Something has changed. She is mad at him for calling.

"Then, what? Is something wrong?"

"What do you think, Logan?" she says shrilly. Her words erupt like a volcano. They burn like lava. "Why do you think things are like this? I don't have to spend every single second of my life with you. You weren't at school today, and you know what, I actually had fun. I talked to people I hadn't seen in ages, I paid attention in algebra and I – I…" Her voice breaks. She has lost the motivation. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't walk me."

She slams down the phone, before he can reply. She should feel guilty but she cannot. Instead the tears suddenly pour out. She cannot stop them. They flow, and she sobs. She bends over double. All the tears she had been trying to cry, for the hour, for the past few days, for the last few _months_, shed desperately, hurriedly. They empty her sockets in a rush. They physically hurt as they tumble down her cheeks. They are acid on her skin. Her lungs heave. She cannot breathe.

There is a knock on the door, "Mary Anne? I didn't know you were at home. Dawn called earlier-"

Sharon opens the door and stares at Mary Anne.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She walks towards her, sounding alarmed.

Mary Anne stands up. She is a mess. She holds up her hands. "No. Please go away." Her voice trembles. She does not know what she wants anymore.

"Mary Anne?" Sharon sounds uncertain, "Honey, please just-"

"_Leave me alone!_" Mary Anne suddenly screams. Tigger runs out of the room. She falls back on the bed, and buries her face in her arms. "Please?"

Sharon hesitates, and looks hard at her. She backs down. "Okay, sweetie, just calm down, okay? I'm here when you need to talk." Her voice is saccharine and forced.

She leaves, closing the door gently behind her. Mary Anne hopes she does not ring her father.

This gives Mary Anne time to think however. On her bedside table there is a photo of her and Logan. They are smiling, hands entwined. She is wearing a necklace he gave her. It is very pretty. Mary Anne raises her head, and looks at the calendar where she marks their anniversary.

She wonders how she will explain the ring to him. Say it was stolen?

The phone rings. It must be Logan. He must have gotten the room-destroying cue out of his system. Mary Anne throws the phone at her wall. She needs to get this out of her system.

It stops ringing.

Was this how her life was always going to be?

Mary Anne tip-toes into the lounge. She stands at the doorway, and clutches the frame. She feels lightheaded. Sharon is reading a book but not concentrating. The lighting seems dim.

"Sharon?" Mary Anne senses she is going to cry at any moment. She knows it shows. Her voice breaks pitifully.

"Yes?" Sharon allows her to sit next to her on the couch. She is neither mad nor hurt. Sharon is plain worried. Mary Anne is normally in control.

"There's-" Mary Anne takes a deep breath. The words are stuck in her throat. There are a million places she would rather be.

Sharon waits expectantly. She strokes her hair. The time has come.

"There's something I need to tell you, Mom."

_fin_

_-------_

_So leave me, you're free  
It's three flights down to happiness  
Make sure you close the door  
And I'm onto you  
**Nothing ever works out like it should**_

_-------_

This story was only supposed to be a little ficlet, and I left it at that, because I think it's the start of something new. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, critqued and favourited this story. I really did appreciate the support. And I'm also in awe of anyone who has written a story about Mary Anne, because I never realised just how annoying it was to type her name constantly :-)

And if you have never reviewed before, this is a great time.

_-------_


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